


Reality TV

by orphan_account



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Multiple Pairings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-26
Updated: 2013-03-30
Packaged: 2017-12-06 12:55:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/735948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>drabbles of the lives of our favorite kurobasu characters if they were on american reality tv shows.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Cheaters

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter 1 - Cheaters  
> Starring: Aomine, Kise, Kagami, Momoi  
> Pairing(s): AoKise, KagaMomo, AoKagaMomo, KiseAoKagaMomo

“Ryouta, are you ready to see what we have found?”

Kise bit his lip, nodding silently as a small camera was placed in front of him.

“On this day, your boyfriend, Daiki, is seen leaving the apartment you share after you left for work. Our detectives following him for a while until we seem him reaching the home of an unknown female.”

“T-That’s Sat-Satsuki.”

“You know her?”

“Y-Yeah. She’s our friend. She’s known him since they were kids.”

“I see. Well here she greets him with a warm hug and another male shows up behind her, greeting him with a kiss.”

“E-Eh?! K-Kagamicchi?!”

“Cheaters’s surveillance watched as the two kiss passionately with her sandwiched in between before the other male pulls them both inside and closes the door.”

“…” 

“On this day, you left for a few days on a business trip, I believe?”

Kise nodded.

“Daiki and the pair from earlier, your friends, I assume, came over to your home that night after you left.”

The video on screen changed from an outside few to an inside shot of Kise’s home.

“Thanks to the hidden camera you placed in your home, we were able to see here, how the three get very intimate on your couch.”

Kise’s breath hitched as he watched Aomine press his lips against Momoi’s, lowering her down on the couch while Kagami left the room, only to return a few minutes later with a bowl of fruits and some drinks. Momoi laughed as Aomine’s lips trailed down her neck, making Kise wonder if he was blowing against it. He knew that Momoi was ticklish… He could tell from the way she thrashed underneath Aomine, screaming “Stop!” as tears pooled in the corner of her eyes.

Kagami placed the items down on the table and reached down to smack Aomine’s ass. The blue haired male snapped his head away from Momoi’s throat only to get his lips attacked by Kagami’s. Momoi spent the time catching her breath, reaching for some grapes in the bowl.

The host of the show watched him silently, watching as Kise’s eyes glazed over with unshed tears. “Fast forwarding a little,” he starts, speeding through the foreplay between the three, “We can see here that they take their playful actions to a whole new level.”

A whole new level was an understatement. Kise’s face heated up as Kagami lied flat on the couch with Momoi pressed against his chest. Aomine was on Kagami’s lap, riding him sensually as he thrusted into Momoi from behind, making Kise wonder how the hell they managed to make such a position work.

“Our detectives say that they are together again tonight, in your home. They have just arrived so they won’t be leaving for a while. Would you like to confront them?”

“Y-Yes… Yes please.”

The host lead him to their van. They rode to Kise’s home in silence, allowing the blond to think about what he just saw. As the pulled up outside of his house, Kise placed his fingers to his lips, asking the host and his camera crew to remain silent.

Kise crept up to the house, wiping his tears as he slowly unlocked the door and began sneaking through the living room towards the master bedroom where the door was closed and slow, sensual music could be heard filtering from under the door. Just as he reached the room, Kise listened momentarily, waiting until he heard a distinct moan from Aomine before he snapped.

Stepping back, Kise raised his leg before promptly kicking the door open, revealing a very shocked Aomine, and deathly frightened Momoi and Kagami. Aomine’s head snapped in Kise’s direction, his mouth hung open with his hands clenching in his partners’s hair. Momoi and Kagami paused. Momoi gulped, her mouth still wrapped around Aomine’s balls. Kagami’s jaw dropped, allowing Aomine’s dick to slide from his mouth.

No words were spoken until Kise finally spoke.

“What. The FUCK is THIS?!”

The three on Kise’s bed scrambled apart the moment Kise lunged at them in a blind rage.

Security barely had time to make it through the small doorframe. Kise managed to land on the bed, pulling his fist back as he attempted to punch Aomine square in the nose.

The blunette caught his fist, struggling with the blond as Momoi screamed, falling off the bed in order to avoid getting hurt in the struggle. Kagami pulled her closer, shouting Kise’s name as the two continued to struggle on the bed.

“FUCK YOU, AOMINECCHI.”

“K-Kise! Calm down! I-I can explain!”

Aomine hissed as one of Kise’s flailing fists hit him on the jaw. Thrusting his hips upwards, Aomine managed to flip their positions, pinning Kise down by the shoulders. “Stop! Stop! Kise please, just calm down!”

Security stood back, noticing how the blond stopped thrashing, waiting at the edge of the bed just in case Aomine decided to hit him.

But Aomine didn’t attack. 

He leaned down and kissed away Kise’s tears, whispering “I’m sorry” over and over to the crying blond below him.

“S-Stupid Aominecchi…!” Kise wailed, his tears flowing freely. “H-how could you? How could you do this to me?”

Aomine pressed his forehead against Kise’s shoulder, “I-I don’t know. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Kise brought his hands up to his face, pressing his palms against his eyes. “Why, Aominecchi, why?! Am I not enough for you?” Aomine didn’t respond. In fact, Kise didn’t let him respond because he continued crying, “If you wanted to do something like this, why didn’t you tell me? Do you not love me enough to trust with your secrets? Are you ashamed of me? Did you think I’d disapprove if I knew? Why couldn’t you just tell me?”

Aomine sighed, placing soft kisses along Kise’s neck. “I’m sorry. I-…”

“Now I feel cheated and left out of my friends’s lives.”

“Kise, please, I-…”

“And with two of our close friends, too?”

“K-Kise…”

The host finally stepped in, walking over to Kagami and Momoi who stayed silent against the wall. “What’s going on with you three?”

Momoi looked away, burying her face in Kagami’s chest. Kagami rested his chin on her head, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“But look at the pain you’ve caused. From what I gather, you four are all really good friends. Why would you do this to him?”

“Hey! I said I don’t want to ta-!”

“Kagamicchi!”

The room fell silent as Kise pushed Aomine off of him, scrambling off the bed and storming towards them both. Kagami pushed Momoi behind him, puffing his chest out as he prepared for whatever Kise might throw at him.

“You flithy son of a bitch! You think it’s okay to just fuck my boyfriend?!” Kise’s hand whipped out at lightening speed, cupping the back of Kagaim’s head forcefully, tugging his face closer. “What is it about him, Aominecchi? Do you like how rough he is? Am I too gentle for you?”

“K-Kise, stop!”

Kise whipped his head back, glaring at Aomine with his tears staining his cheeks, causing he other male to freeze on the spot before he tumbled to the ground, his legs giving out beneath him.

_A-Akashi?_

Kise said nothing, simply letting he threat of bodily harm keep Aomine silent before he turned on the host of the show who suddenly felt like he entered a situation that may become very dangerous. “Thank you, sir. But we won’t be needing your services anymore.”

The host blinked before speaking nervously, “A-Are you sure y-you want to stay here…?”

“Please. Leave.”

The host and his crew wasted no time scrambling out of the room, closing the door behind them. 

Kise waited for a few seconds before turning his attention back to Kagami who shockingly hasn’t pushed him away yet.

“Stupid, Aominecchi… How dare you enjoy their company without me?” he growled, pulling Kagami’s head until their lips crashed together. Kagami grunted into his mouth, his eyes widening as Kise’s tongue forced its way between his lips.

Aomine blinked, watching with his jaw pressed against the ground as Kise tangled his fists in Kagami’s hair, tugging Kagami’s head back roughly, exposing his throat. Kise’s teeth latched on to Kagami’s neck, right by his Adam’s apple, sucking harshly, drawing a moan from the redhead.

Momoi snuck out from behind him, watching in confusion as Kise pushed Kagami against the wall, biting and sucking at Kagami’s neck. Momoi stepped back, her legs giving out after the fear of his previous outburst really set it. 

Kise grabbed Kagami’s legs, lifting him and wrapping his legs around his hips. Kagami grunted, unable to wrap his mind around the sudden force at which Kise brutalized his neck and the fact that he just picked him up so easily. Kise was definitely stronger than his body led on.

Kagami wrapped his ankles together as Kise laced their fingers together, slamming Kagami’s hands against the wall, licking his way up Kagami’s jaw. “Is this what you like, Aominecchi?”

Aomine stiffened, watching as Kagami’s cheeks flushed, his mouth open as low, breathy moans escaped his throat. Kise licked from Kagami’s chin to his lips before capturing them in a heated kiss, silencing the redhead who rolled his hips in annoyance against Kise’s hips, trying to relieve some of the tension in his crotch.

Kise smirked, pulling away from Kagami, licking his lips free of the saliva that connected them. “This secret meeting between the three of you ends tonight, Aominecchi.” Kise muttered, glancing down at Momoi who stared up at him silently with flushed cheeks. Holding his hand out to her, waiting for her to take his hand and stand. As she did, Kise glanced back at Aomine who still sat on the ground, not even trying to hide the erection that was lying painfully against his thigh.

“Tonight,” Kise smirked, taking Momoi’s hand in his own. “You three are mine.” 

His lips crashed against Momoi’s, causing her to whimper against him.

He wasn’t kidding when he said they were his tonight. Aomine discovered a side of Kise that he never knew existed…

and God Damn, he loved it.

 


	2. Jerry Springer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 - Jerry Springer  
> Starring: Aomine, Kise, Momoi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no intentions of offending anyone with this fic. If you have ever seen Jerry Springer, you will know that this is exactly what the episodes are like lmfao
> 
> i also need to stop this stupidity.

”So… Daiki, is it?”

Aomine nodded, leaning back in his chair as he watched the greying man look down at the card in his hands. “Yeah.”

“Why are you here, Daiki?”

“Well, J･･ry…” Aomine started, leaning forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Me and my girlfriend have been best friends since we were children.” The host nodded, urging him to continue. “However, lately, I feel like we made a mistake becoming a couple.”

“A mistake? How so?”

“Well, I don’t think I’ve ever really thought of her as more than my annoying neighborhood bestie… but after entering college, she began to show that she had feelings for me. One day, we went out together and she confessed to me. I didn’t feel right rejecting her so I told her I felt the same.”

“Do you feel the same way?”

“Well… Yes and no. I mean, I love her, don’t get me wrong, but I dont know if I’m  _in love_  with her, you know?”

“Yes, I understand. So… what’s the problem?”

“Well…” Aomine licked his lips, “A few weeks ago, we got into an argument and I went out with a couple of my friends to this bar.”

“Oohhh…” The host murmured into the mic, causing the audience to laugh. “I think I know where this is going…”

Aomine chuckled. “Well you see, I met this fine ass girl there. She was absolutely perfect. She had a banging body, beautiful eyes, gorgeous blond hair, perfect boobs like WOW.”

Some guy in the audience cheered, causing everyone to cheer and whistle at Aomine’s words.

“She sounds lovely.”

“Lemme tell you, Je･･y, she is.”

“So what happened between you two?”

“Well, we were drinking and talking about ourselves and I found out that we had a lot in common. So she took me back to her house, and we fucked, J･･ry. And it. was. SPECTACULAR.”

The cheering started once more.

“But you have a girlfriend.”

“I know, I know but that’s why I’m here. I’m here to tell her that I want to leave her for -” the crowd errupted into a frenzy, booing him before he could finish.

“Ohh boy.” The host looked down, “And who is Satsuki?”

“My girlfriend.”

“Okay well, she’s outside of our studio so she hasn’t heard anything. Here’s Satsuki!”

The crowed cheered as they waited for her to come into their sight. The moment a busty, curvy pink haired girl came storming out from behind stage, the crowd went wild.

“Hello, Satsuki.”

“Good day, Je･･y.”

“Please, have a seat.”

“Thank you.” Momoi sat on the chair next to Aomine, leaning over to peck him on the temple. A chorus of “Awws” rang out from the audience.

“Well, Daiki. Turn to Satsuki and tell her why you brought her here.”

Aomine cleared his throat, taking Satsuki’s hand, “Well, you know I love you, right?” Momoi nodded, sending him a strange look. “Well, that night when we fought and I went out with Kagami and the guys… I met someone else and we -” The crowed cheered, “- had sex. I’m sor-“ 

Before Aomine could finish, Momoi’s palm connected with his cheek, effectively shutting him up.

“You did WHAT?!”

Aomine stood up, backing away from the murderous glare Momoi was sending his way. “I cheated on you, I’m sorry.”

“WITH WHO?”

“A girl at the bar! You wouldn’t know her.”

“Why you dirty little -“

“Who is Ryoko Kise?” The host interrupted.

“That’s the girl.”

“Well then, let’s bring her out! Here’s Ryoko!”

The crowd erupted once more the moment a blond bombshell strutted out from behind the wall. Her slim, perfect body was being hugged by a bright red dress that stopped at mid thigh, revealing perfectly toned milky legs that stretched for miles. Her breasts were large, perky, round, the epitome of perfection. Her face was stunning. Her eyes were large and round with lengthy eyelashes. She has small, pouty pink lips and a elegant pointed nose. Her hair fell in rivers around her shoulders as she made her way over to Aomine, pressing her lips against his swiftly.

The crowd cheered, mostly from jealousy before Momoi ran forward, pushing Kise away from Aomine. “You stupid BITCH” she screamed, grabbing on to her hair, tugging the blond asshole down as she used her free hand to deliver pathetic punches to the back of her head.

Kise swung her body around, causing Momoi’s grip on her hair to loosen the moment security wrapped an arm around her waist and tugged her away from the kicking and screaming Momoi. Kise flipped her hair, using her hand to brush it back in place before fixing her dress.

“Ryoko, is it? You’re really beautiful.”

“Yes. Hi Je･･y~ Thank you. Thank you.” Kise licked her lips, stepping out of her stilettos, preparing for another attack from Momoi.

“Okay, so I understand that you slept with Daiki over here a few weeks ago.”

“Yes, this is correct.”

“And did you know that he wants to be with you?”

“Mhm! And I’m really happy. I want to be with him too.”

A barrage of “Awws” and “Ewws” filled the stage.

“Did you know that he had a girlfriend?”

“When we met, no. But after talking to him for so long, I realized that he doesn’t love her that way so I figured - why not?”

Someone screamed “WHORE”, causing the audience to join in, chanting obscenities at Kise.

The blond scoffed, flipping her hair over her shoulders. “YOU WISH YOU COULD HAVE THIS, BOO.” She rolled her eyes, turning her attention back to the host. 

“Okay… but you have something to tell him too, don’t you?”

The crowed “ooo’d” in response.

Kise noded, “Yes, I have to confess something to him before we continue this relationship.”

“YOU WON’T BE CONTINUING ANYTHING, BITCH!” Momoi screamed, trying to lunge at her again, only to be subdued by security.

“Alright, well let him know your secret.”

Aomine blinked, staring at Kise curiously. Kise smiled, taking his hand in hers. “Aominecchi~” she started, bringing his hands up to her lips. “The last few weeks with you have been amazing. I really do want to continue the relationship we have but I have to let you know -“

Kise took a deep breath.

“I was born a man.”

The crowd went wild as Aomine promptly pulled his hands away from Kise, staring at him in shock.

“W-WHAT?!”

The host let out a long “Ooooo” before turning to Aomine. “Did you not know?”

“FUCK! NO!”

“I mean… how did you two ya know…?”

“I- I DUNNO. I was drunk! I put it in something!”

“I gave you the backdoor, honey.”

Aomine fainted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i stopped because even i though it was getting ridiculous

**Author's Note:**

> this was definitely supposed to be funny originally… like “you bastard, i wanna join! lololol” but then i got to writing and it became more angry. o-O this was also supposed to be really short... but then this happened  
> oops  
> i don’t even know what the fuck happened anymore lmfao


End file.
